Bancuri - Sa radem putin

[myamar]

Super tare... so geek

[graph]

Intr-o buna zi, la poarta raiului, un tip foarte ofticat ...... Sfintu Petru il ia de-o parte: - Ce-i fiule, care e problema ? - Pai, nu se poate domle, uita-te la mine, am 35 de ani, sanatos, puternic, nu fumez, nu beau, nu sunt casatorit... seara ma culc linistit si dimineata ma trezesc mort, in ceruri ? Trebuie sa fie o greseala ! - Mmmm, nu s-a mai intimplat pina acum, da, in fine, sa vedem ... cum zici ca te cheama fiule ? - Manivela, Grigore Manivela... - Si ce meserie zici ca ai avut pe cea lume ? - Mecanic auto. - Aha, gata, uite, am gasit fisa ta... pai s-a lamurit fiule, uite, aici scrie ca ai murit de batrinete ! - De batrinete ?!?? cum de batrinete ? - Pai da, ca am insumat orele de manopera din facturile tale, si a iesit ca ai peste 100 de ani !!!

[Adrian Poputoaia]

Eram in tren si ghici cine se aseaza in fata mea? [Sexy Braileanca] Ma gandesc eu cum sa ma bag in seama fara sa par un fan disperat.

Si-mi vine-n cap numele ei real Florina. O caut pe Facebook. Ii recunosc poza. Ii umblu pe profil. Si vad ca-i place .Ghici ce? Sexul.

Ce fac... Soptesc. "Bai ce-ar merge un oral acuma". Bai si imi deschide slitu...Se pune sa s**a.... Ne imprietenim si pe Facebook... foarte tare, frate!

[No_name]

Sotia: Ai facut cumparaturile?
Sotul: Bad command or filename.
Sotia: Dar te-am rugat de dimineata.
Sotul: Syntax Error. Abort?
Sotia: Nici macar noul televizor?
Sotul: Variable not found.
Sotia: Bine, da-mi cartea de credit, merg eu la cumparaturi!
Sotul: Sharing Violation. Access denied!
Sotia: Tu vorbesti serios, glumesti sau incerci sa ma enervezi?
Sotul: Too many parameters...
Sotia: Cum de m-am maritat eu tocmai cu tine?
Sotul: Data type mismatch.
Sotia: Dar salariul cand il iei?
Sotul: File in use. Try later.
Sotia: Ma faci sa ma intreb... ce insemn eu pentru tine?
Sotul: Unknown Virus

[meetzah]

21 ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS
Primit pe e-mail de la o colega de facultate.


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

[meetzah]

mda, rep negativ de la un pasionat de bancuri, pentru bancul de mai sus.
motivatia: bancul a mai fost postat, in limba romana
greseala mea, ca nu am citit cu atentie toate cele 494 de posturi, care erau publicate deja in acest thread.

Later edit: multumesc @c_n_m, @myamar si unui membru al carui nume nu il stiu, pentru feedback

[StarNET]

greseala mea, ca nu am citit cu atentie toate cele 494 de posturi, care erau publicate deja in acest thread.

pai te rog frumos, data viitoare sa nu se mai intample !!

ps: nu eu ti`am dat repu negativ

[Alex Dumitru]

mda, rep negativ de la un pasionat de bancuri, pentru bancul de mai sus.
motivatia: bancul a mai fost postat, in limba romana
greseala mea, ca nu am citit cu atentie toate cele 494 de posturi, care erau publicate deja in acest thread.

Later edit: multumesc @c_n_m, @myamar si unui membru al carui nume nu il stiu, pentru feedback

Partea buna e ca a fost foarte amuzant

[Prometeu]

Partea buna e ca a fost foarte amuzant

Ca a primit el puncte negative sau bancul ?

[Alex Dumitru]

Disclaimer: Nu am facut doar copy/paste de undeva, le-am ales pe cele care mi s-au parut mai amuzante. Si unele sunt foarte vechi, dar nu cred ca conteaza asta. Have fun !

• I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
• In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
• Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk
• I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
• The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX
• A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
• C://dos C://dos.run run.dos.run
• Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
• LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
• Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping
• Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
• Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"
• Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
• Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
• Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'..
  vA typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
• Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are
• Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously
• PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
• You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
• Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
• Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
• Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT
• How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
• If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
• C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void